The Dog's Dinner by Jonny Moon

Author:Jonny Moon [Moon, Jonny]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-00-738240-8
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2009-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

For once Numeracy and Literacy seemed to whizz by and, before he knew it, Jack was lining up in the queue for his school lunch. As he approached the counter he saw that Mrs Salter had clearly made an effort today, knowing the TV cameras were coming in.

It looked like she’d thrown just about every ingredient in the store cupboard into today’s dishes, but the result was a bit of a mess. The first dinner lady was ladling out what looked like fresh green vomit. Jack thought it was meant to be some kind of vegetable soup but he couldn’t be sure and didn’t want to take the risk. He shook his head and moved his tray on. The second dinner lady had an even more disgusting tray of food. This one looked like diarrhoea, a thin brown liquid full of small lumps. “Curry?” asked the dinner lady hopefully, ladling some up in readiness.

Jack nearly gagged. The dinner lady took that as a no.

Behind him in the dinner hall there was a bit of a commotion going on. Jack looked around and saw that Zana had appeared with her cameraman and Ollie James.

“All right, mate,” Ollie said cheerfully to a nervous-looking girl from Year Two. “Whatcha got on your plate today, darlin’?”

The girl just looked at him with her eyes wide open. Jack felt sorry for her – she’d probably never seen someone famous in the flesh before. Undeterred, Ollie moved onto another child, who had a plate of the curry.

“What’s that then? Bit of the old Ruby?” he asked the boy.

“I think it’s beef, not Ruby,” whispered the lad bravely.

“No, no, mate, Ruby Murray. It’s rhyming slang for curry. Let’s ‘ave a taste, eh?” replied Ollie, picking up a spoon and bravely having a mouthful.

The cameraman moved quickly to get a close-up of the famous chef’s face as he tasted the school meal. For once the talkative cook was lost for words. His face screwed up as if he’d stepped on a drawing pin and then he made an expression that looked like his face was melting. Finally he grabbed a beaker of water and downed it in one.

Instantly Zana had the microphone in his face.

“So what do you think?”

Ollie shook his head sadly. “Boy, have we got our work cut out for us here!”

Jack could only agree as he reached the third dinner lady. Her stainless-steel vat contained another kind of stew – but this one was full of what looked like eyeballs!

Are those eggs? thought Jack. I hope they’re eggs.

Whatever they were, Jack had no intention of letting them near his mouth – but he still offered his tray up for some. Because he had recognised his target.

The dinner lady serving the eyeball stew was the Flartibug – or rather the human form of the Flartibug. She tried to smile at Jack, but the result was ghastly. Her skin didn’t really fit her face properly, and it folded in strange ways as her mouth lifted at the sides.

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